Valentine’s Day: 5 Ways how to smash being your own Valentine!

Well, G’day my Friends and welcome to another Blog!

I feel with a lot of negativity going around the world and today being Valentine’s Day, I thought that we should have a little chat about living and how to love yourself any time of year!

No, I am not meaning the day-to-day grind that sometimes makes you feel as though you are stuck in Groundhog Day.

I am talking about the ways in which you can deeply appreciate living and being able to love yourself.

In today’s day and age a lot of us get so consumed by social media and the pressures that come with it. Some of us push ourselves to create unrealistic and unhealthy ways of dealing with our extrinsic world that we do not stop and evaluate our intrinsic world.

Now it is safe to say, a lot of what I am going to talk about will have probably come up numerous times in all the motivational videos you watch… But I must say they are all onto something.

However, I also want to spice things up a bit…… No get your head out of the gutter! I am meaning simply putting my spin of the old classics, and show you that no matter what your circumstances, you can love yourself.

Self-Valentine tip 1: self-care, self-care, self-care.

I know we have all heard this one time and time again. But trust me it works like Strawberries and Chocolates on a date night!

Self-care can be anything you want it to be! It does not have to fit a particular mould! It just needs to be something that you do to really tap into your inner self and grow from within and recharge those boss batteries!

It can be just as simple as pouring a glass of wine, reading a chapter from your favourite Novel, having a Bath, or even Cooking your favourite meal.

For example, I would always look forward to when my family went to Footy training. I had the house to myself, and it enabled me to spend some quality time with yours truly.

I would turn up my favourite old school tunes on Spotify, make myself a delicious glass of Canadian Club or pour a glass of Wine, and start cooking dinner. For me, spending three hours in the kitchen making Sushi with music and a beverage was pure bliss. I looked forward to that day like a child at Christmas.

However that has slightly changed due to football not being a focus for my family anymore.

My self-care now involves the Following: my yoga mat, Dumbbells, a book, a bath, Netflix, Wine and Music, My Bible and even my Journal.

I value time on my own to grow and just be with myself, so even if I am sitting on my bed watching a movie it is fine by me. There is honestly nothing better than a bit of self-love, especially during Valentines Day.

Figure out what you love doing most and figure out a timeslot where you can just be with you and enjoy that time. I am just saying, Friday evenings are superb for this…  

Self-Valentine tip 2: learn how to let go and forgive.

This one is tricky I know. Believe me I have struggled with this concept for years. I struggled fitting in at school even though it looked like I had plenty of friends. Anything and everything triggered the anxiety of fitting in and looking ‘normal’ which made myself feel horrible.

I would constantly feel this negative energy hanging around me and would dread Family functions, school, beach trips you name it.

After a lot and I mean a lot of self-reflection, I realised that this was because I had no self-worth and was insecure. Being disabled didn’t help much, but at the same time it gave me the best tool to be able to go within and figure out who I actually was.

Highschool is meant to be a time of self-discovery, however I did not fit that mould. Clearly, I have a habit of not fitting a mould.

Overtime, I realised that to feel happy and love myself completely, I needed to let go of how I was mistreated by my so called ‘friends’ and interactions with others and worry about fixing my inner self.

I find that after a lot of work in this area of my life, I can walk into a room and be completely happy and not bothered if I am not included in things. I am happy watching everyone else go nuts and am simply fine being by myself.

I no longer allow the actions of people get to me and trigger me. I simply have realised that I have a lot of other things to direct my attention and energy to.

So over time I have forgiven my bullies, and have let go of their treatment of me, simply because it does not serve me anymore. It served me in the early stages in learning who I was and what was triggering me, but not anymore.

So, I fully encourage every single one of you to go deep within and figure out if you have any self-worth issues and if that centres around trying to fit in. When you figure that out and love yourself more than anything in the world, you will walk into that room of people with a little extra swagger and confidence!

Self-Valentine tip 3: treat yourself gently and with respect!

This is something I am sure we all can do a lot better at. Our lives and the outside world today is so fast paced and full on, that we forget that we need to be gentle with ourselves.

When I say this, I am not meaning to become a hermit unless that is something that you want to do, then by all means go for it. I am meaning not being so harsh and punishing yourself when things don’t go your way.

Your body is given to you only once. Yes your body may not function or have the same appendages as your neighbour, but that isn’t a reason to curse your body and therefore your mind.

It is so important to find what you love most about yourself and embrace it.

So if you don’t get that improvement in the gym or at that doctors appointment, be easy on your self and know there is where the window of opportunity lies. The opportunity just isn’t about your body but how you use that knowledge in your mind. You can either let it defeat you complete and wreck any confidence you may have had, or use it to grow stronger mentally.

Your body and mind are only given to you once. Those components are what gets you through your day in its own unique way. Don’t treat it horribly, it doesn’t deserve that. Instead, find positives within yourself and ground yourself in them. Soon enough you will be looking in that mirror with a smile and confidence instead of feeling like a grouch.

The other thing that I have realised over the last few months especially in the realm of exercise is perseverance and patience. There will be days that are an out right slog; feeling your are getting nowhere. However, there will be a handful of days where all of a sudden everything just clicks and suddenly your body is working like a well oiled machine. The gains are clear when this happens. This is very much like in every other aspect of your life. There will days that you have to work hard to keep the motivation. Then there will be the others that make the days in between worth the struggle.

The key in all of this is just to be realistic with your expectations… I know from experience that it is easier said then done. However, just take it a day at a time and do not get so angry and down on yourself when you feel things aren’t working. They will, just give it time.

Self-Valentine tip 4:  Treat your body like a temple.

This I also feel is harped on all the time by so many people. So I bet by know it is getting boring and repetitive.

For me, every since I was 3 weeks old I loved routine. My parents can attest to this. Everything had to happen at a set time otherwise I was as grumpy as a Great-Grandpa losing a game of Bingo.

Still I thrive on routines. It makes me feel like I am in control of my day and surroundings.

After High school, my routine went out of the window because I had no set structure to my day. So, I had to create one.

However, the thing everyone jokes about Uni life is the junk food. Believe you me, there was nothing I loved more than enjoying some Hot Potato Wedges and Sour Cream after a three hour lecture in winter. I would also go home after my lectures and veg out on the couch with junk food, or not move my body. Being in a mobility scooter and then sitting in a lecture hall for 3 hours, my body was not getting the attention and love it so deserved.

So many experts and influencers always go on and on about treating your body like a temple to get it to perform at its best. I am in no way an expert and I cannot tell you what to do when it comes to health. However, I can tell you how the last few months focusing on eating better and exercising regularly has made me feel.

For example I try and exercise 5 days a week, while also making time to do a good recovery session which includes yoga and a bit of meditation. I also am not apposed to the occasional Epsom Salt bath. I have also decided that I need a team of professionals around me to do this right. At the moment my team consists of a Physio, Exercise Physiologist (EP) Psychologist, Nutritionist and Massage Therapist.

I see my Physio and EP once a week which enables me to dedicate a set time to exercise and improving my range of motion. Yes getting my glutes and quads trigger pointed at 10am on a Tuesday isn’t the ideal way to spend a day off from work, however it is worth it when you see a difference in the way you do things.

I found that since spending time to look after myself properly, and include all my self-care and Bible Study, I am so much more happier within myself, and more confident. All in all it is a good feeling to look in the mirror and smile and actually like what I see staring back.

Being disabled has always been an uphill battle. However, by looking after my body and giving it the attention it desperately needs, means I am back in the driver seat. Also, by giving myself a fighting chance to remain as strong as a can for as long as I can, is something I do not take for granted. Also the positive changes mentally is a double bonus.

I cannot tell you just how much I value my incredible team of people behind me. I finally feel like I am in control of my body and am giving my spastic Collagen 6 lacking muscles a run for their money. And yes, the gains that I am slowly starting to see is just a bonus. I exercise and eat well (mostly, because let’s be honest no one should get in the way of me and a bowl of pasta or Sushi), to treasure myself and to love myself and give myself the best shot should a cure trial come along.

Self-Valentine tip 5: Ignore the extrinsic and focus on the intrinsic.

This tip I feel really round up the previous tips. I have found that since focusing more within myself, and working on me for me, has really changed how I react to the extrinsic events around me. I used to be so focused on people’s thoughts about me, and being excluded from things had me pretty beat. Even something as simple as someone having a dig at me or my Folks got my goat and made me sob to no end. Little did I know that they were triggering something within me.

Once I realised this last year and how dependent I had become on possessions and people’s thoughts and reassurances, I knew I needed to do some rewiring.

After a lot of hard work, I have been seeing the fruits of my labour. It is always such a good feeling to be able to walk into a room and be more than happy standing by yourself instead of feeling like a loner.

I have reached a place in my life where I feel more secure and confident in myself, that I no longer feel upset about not being included in selfies, or getting asked out on a date or being picked on for the way I choose to live.

I realised that every negative comment or action had nothing to do with me. It was simply the other people around me had misconceived ideas about who I was. It shows more about who they are and not at all about you. So why make yourself sick with anxiety and hurt when it is just their crazy concepts? I choose what I let affect me now, I choose what I give my energy to.

And to be honest, I am at the place where I am no longer upset if I am not included in that photo, or am the butt of the joke, because I love myself enough to not allow some silly events from ruining my night or how I feel. I must say, it is so empowering when you can walk out of a venue or event full of people who ignored you or mistreated you with your head held high. Trust me it takes work, but when you get there, it is so worth it.

All in all: Love yourself you are worth it!

I hope you all enjoyed this blog post! If you want me to delve a little deeper on any of these topics let me know! I could go on all day about these topics!

All I can say to you is once you start really focusing on taking care of you, and working on yourself in all aspects of life, you will slowly start to realise that the outside noise is irrelevant and that the only validation you need is from yourself.

Once you can love yourself without question, you will soon see the power return to your hands. It will soon no longer matter when it comes to Valentines day and all your friends are dating or getting married and you are the single one. Because you know who you are going home to love each night! Ummm get your head out of the gutter!

Remember to take it easy on yourself and find what makes you feel super happy and work on becoming the strongest and happiest version of yourself. When you can do that, you will become your own Valentine all year round!

-Rhi xo.

P.s have you checked out our last blog on how to rock being disabled? i feel it works well with this week’s post! Check it out here: https://livingabled.com.au/how-you-can-rock-disability/