Never get bitter

G’day friends, enemies, and those who are yet to become either, and welcome to another blog post!

 A slightly different intro this week. I saw this comment on a reel on social media this week, and I thought it was pretty funny, so I just had to use it!

I had a sweet experience shopping last week, which I posted on the local community Facebook group. I had to duck into the grocery store to pick up a few things for the Easter Weekend, and I struggled to reach the bagels from my mobility scooter. Reaching the top shelf at barely 5 feet is always hard, and trying to reach it when sitting down!  I knew I could get them; it would probably just take me 5 minutes. Out of the blue I heard “Can I get that for you, love?” I turned around, and there was a woman in her 70s. Once she grabbed what I was trying to reach, she asked me if there was anything else I needed and if I needed anything else, she was just down the aisle. 

That interaction caught me entirely by surprise. It was only the second or third time someone offered to help me. I am used to just struggling by myself because I am worried about offending people by asking for help. Sad right?

Anyway, I posted this interaction on the community Facebook group to thank the woman for the millionth time she was in the group and to remind people that kindness and generosity go a long way, especially in today’s world.

The comments on that post were lovely, but one in particular stood out to me. One person said that they had offered to help a gentleman who was using a mobility aid, and he was very grumpy and brushed her off. She said she was reluctant ever to offer help again.

I asked her to reconsider offering assistance because we aren’t all grouchy and would appreciate the help! I also said that we are all in different places in our acceptance journey living with a disability. Some of us struggle to accept help and can seem upset or indeed grouchy because having someone who is ‘abled’ offer help can remind them that they are ‘different’ or the thing they used to do without second guessing is something they can no longer do.

 We all, as humans, disabled or not, so easily get caught up in our lives that we so easily forget that we all need a hand with something irrespective of our physical or indeed mental capabilities.

Being angry at any situation will always be a part of life. We as humans constantly get triggered by people, events, circumstances, you name it. It is so tempting and much easier to fight fire with fire and have the situations or circumstances turn us bitter that we lose what it means to be kind, compassionate and considerate towards others, and also towards ourselves!

My disability made me bitter for many, many years. I was lashing out at everyone around me. I most certainly was not a joy to be around. I was angry that I was ‘different’ to everyone else; I was angry at being bullied, angry at my school for not helping me with said bullies, angry at my parents and angry at myself when I couldn’t do something. I was angry at practically everything in my life.

I felt lost, and it was so much easier to switch off the ‘humanity’, so to speak, because spiteful, hateful and resentful was so much easier than showing up to live every day with a smile and finding positives in everything. However, there came a point where I realised that being bitter and resentful towards my situation wasn’t helping me, and it certainly wasn’t helping those around me.

I desperately needed to find something I could hold onto that made me feel like I wasn’t a waste of space or causing my family hurt. Academics was the thing I used to help me feel like I was capable of doing something because it was something I could do. I poured everything into it, and I had a fantastic group of teachers in high school who helped me each step of the way and never made me feel like I was a burden if I needed to keep my textbooks in class, open a door, extra time on an exam (which was already pre-organised by the way), whatever I needed they were all too happy. That lack of judgment went a long way in making me feel better, which is completely ironic since I struggled to accept help for years. I got to a place where I realised that having help made my life so much easier, and I could spend my energy on the things that I could do and the things I enjoyed.

I started to embrace life again and worked hard to discover what I was put on earth for, as I believe we are all here for a reason. And yes, while I lost myself for a while, rediscovering who I was was incredibly liberating and freeing.

That’s not to say there haven’t been moments where I have been tempted to slip back into bitterness, not only because of my disability but because of other circumstances in my life.

But it is in those times when I lean on the people in my circle the most. I have learnt who I can lean on, who won’t judge, and who aren’t afraid to give me their honest answers while also being respectful in the process.

I resort to other healthier means to channel that anger, like exercising, journalling, and talking things out with the people in my circle. Exercise may sound interesting, but moving that bitter energy around your body helps eliminate it!

I also have two Spotify playlists, one called Hurt and one called Anger. Whenever I have feelings about either, I play them to help me process my emotions, whether that be crying until my eyes are on fire or headbanging to Limp Bizkit until I have a bad case of whiplash. Both make me feel considerably better and ready to discuss what I am going through if needed.

So what is the lesson from all of this, my dear reader? Never succumb to the temptation of becoming bitter and lashing out at those around you or yourself. Firstly, because you don’t know what someone else is going through, and second, you go through enough trials and tribulations without adding a heavy dose of self-loathing. Be kind to yourself and others. Above all, there is nothing wrong with accepting or asking for help. The right people will never be upset that you asked them; they will do it without batting an eyelid.

Until next week. 

Take care,

Rhi