G’day, friends, and welcome back!
Everybody has moments in life where we feel like we are pushing things up *it creek, and all we want to do is sit on the couch with a big bowl of pasta, a hefty glass of wine, and a good movie or show. Especially as the weather is well and truly starting to cool down in my side of the world, cozy nights are things I am looking forward to, regardless of whether I am pushing things up *the creek. Ask me if I still enjoy those cold, cozy nights in about two months, though!
I have been dealing with so many things, both mentally and physically, over the past little while. Particularly, my lower back has been playing up something shocking lately. I have spent all this week with a heat pack on my back, my massage gun within reach, and not wanting to walk. When you are dealing with physical discomfort, mental discomfort, and the add-on of getting a new puppy into the mix and dealing with a self-diagnosed cortisol comedown, the feeling of overwhelm and exhaustion has been immense!
around the fire pit with family
So it is safe to say that I have been in a bit of a mellow phase recently, and when you have deadlines hanging over your head and a puppy that can’t afford for you to have an off moment, the need to try and get back to being full of life and spritely is becoming more and more important. Not just for Lexi but also for my sanity and my family’s sanity!
I have lost my way and desperately need to find my way again. So I have dubbed this time ‘finding my way back’, or it’s better to name it ‘finding my way forward’. And what does that involve, you may ask? A complete overhaul of life yet again.
We go through stages of reinventing ourselves when we outgrow our previous selves. Usually, that is done by either hitting rock bottom first or simply feeling like you can’t continue doing what you are doing any more.
However, instead of doing the cliche radical hair chop, impulsive trashy tramp stamp on a drunken night out with friends, throwing out all the junk food in the house, and swearing you will never touch a potato chip again even though you know within 24 hours, you will have a packet of chips in your hand, I have started by ‘finding my way forward’ with a slower approach.
Over the last few weeks, I have started paying attention to what fills my cup, listening to my body and mind, and doing what it wants. Whether that is to go for a nice long bath, chuck on some metal music and do my favourite workout, make a hot drink and watch a movie, journal, sit outside in the sun, drive on my scooter, or cook my favourite meal.
I have made it more of a priority to recharge the batteries and try to find balance in my life. I am the kind of person who is an ‘all or nothing’ kind of person. I either give it 100% or not. I struggle to try and find a middle point.
The downside is that when you give 100% to something, you neglect other parts of yourself because you give all your time and attention to one thing. There will always be a breaking point if you are like me and are already running on fumes when trying to give 100% to things. As a result, my health, both physical and mental, suffered, which can be dangerous for many reasons.
It all came to a head when I received a bite from a horse. He gave me the jolt I needed to move through all the energy and emotions I had pent up for so long, trying to navigate so much and becoming no longer aligned with myself. And boy, did he let me know it was time to find my way again.
During the first 20 minutes, I was with him, I could feel the vibe was off. I knew it was because of me, but try as I might, I couldn’t regulate. That was until he decided to give me a love nibble on my thigh just above my knee. Suddenly, I became so present, and all my emotions and energy started to seep out of me as if I were pulling a plug on a bath full of water. And the horse, slightly unsettled by my energy in the 20 minutes before, became as loving and quiet as a mouse.
After that time with him, I realised I had been out of alignment for way too long. And so, I went back to the basics, or should I say Rhi basics, and asked myself, ‘What is it that you need?’ And with that, I had a plan. I ordered a retreat box (bougie, I know, but it was just what the doctor ordered), cooked my favourite meal at the moment—smoked salmon poke bowl with avo, carrot, onion, and siracha mayo—and enjoyed it with a non-alcoholic beverage and my favourite show.
Slowing down and pressing pause for a moment worked wonders, and I could feel light switches being turned on gradually inside my head.
I then had enough energy to formulate a schedule that allowed me to spend time with Lexi, get my work done, and still leave time for R&R and taking care of my health.
It is still a work in progress, as I have to re-program my brain to find that balance and not be all or nothing. Still, I am starting to enjoy life again by focusing on slowing down, which is what my body is craving, doing my work and things in my day more slowly, and almost romanticising parts of my life.
At the moment, finding my way forward means first going within and looking after the temple that is Rhi.
If I am not right, Lexi, my family, my friends, and ultimately my work will suffer.
I enjoy sunrises, and I look forward to those early mornings when I cuddle Lexi before making a hot drink and watching the sun rise as my favourite show plays. I enjoy slowly returning to movement and feeling my body respond to it positively. I enjoy balancing work, Lexi, and everything in between.
Reflecting, healing, and moving forward have been just as important. It’s almost like I can see through the fog that has engulfed me the last few years, and I am finding a new love for my life. Don’t get me wrong; I loved my life before, but I am beginning to love it even more now and the woman I am becoming.
Knowing when it is time to pause life for a brief moment is powerful; it isn’t selfish. If you don’t find a balance in life, your cup will run empty, and you will run on fumes, which isn’t healthy for you or those around you.
We have all become too obsessed with keeping people happy, constantly feeling obligated to put everyone’s needs before ours. It would help if you thought of others’ needs as well because otherwise, you would be narcissistic, which isn’t ideal; you also need to take a moment for yourself and your needs sometimes.
Reinventing the wheel is exciting. It sets you up for the next season of your life and whatever that may bring. It may take time, healing, and pausing things, but when you ‘come back’, you are a new person. And that is something I am excited about.
So, I am finding my way forward, leaving the past where it belongs. I have learnt all I need to; it is time to let go and move forward slowly, gracefully, and in a balanced way. I am grateful for the lessons, experiences and growth opportunities this season has given me, but now it is time to move forward.
Till next week,
Rhi