Dating 101! My beautiful happily ever after

Hello everyone and welcome to another Blog post. For those wondering about when I am going live on insta, it is in the works I promise you. However, I won’t be alone in the live so stay tuned!! No it isn’t in the way in which you think! So snap out of it!

However, that leads perfectly into today’s post! We are tackling another topic that was discussed in the ListenABLE podcast episode… If the title is anything to go by, we are talking about dating.

Although I should prepare you, it isn’t going to be a ‘and we lived happily ever after’ kind of thing, rather than a ‘I am living happily ever after….. for now’ blog.

I will be going into my non-existent dating life, as well as how I have been content in my single status, and why being single isn’t such a deal breaker! So let’s get cracking!!

Dating 101: my story.

two hands making a loveheart. Dating is all about the cute moments right?!
Photo by Jasmine Carter from Pexels

When it comes to dating, like I said on the Podcast, it has been pretty limited. I have only ever had one boyfriend. I was in grade 11, and we had known each other since primary school.

I won’t go into the whole story, simply because I summarised it on the Podcast, however, it lasted 4 weeks and ended pretty sadly.

At that time, I was 15 and craving for a partner. I thought that if I had someone love me for me, then I could love myself. Safe to say any teenager goes through a phase of struggling to embrace their ‘imperfections’, and the thought of a partner would make it go away. So, when are you disabled that struggle is heightened tenfold. Automatically when you feel that way, you are sucked into believing that you need to be dating someone to feel loved.

My word how wrong are we in believing that way of thinking!!! 

When I was dating my ex, it was the best 4 weeks. I had someone love me for who I was, and truly embraced my disability. He would help me off chairs, and even slow down his walk for me. What?? He was a super-fast walker, and I was a sloth!

I thought things couldn’t have been better. I felt like I was like everyone else at school. I had a partner and could relate to the dating chat in the locker rooms.

However, it wasn’t all that it seemed. My insecurities still loomed over me, which caused me to overreact at times or feel attacked by people around him. Being bullied in my primary school years and being gawked in public still lingered in the back of my mind.

The insecurities I had was the reason we broke up. I won’t really go into what the fight was over, but as I said on the Podcast episode, he broke up with me over text message. It hit me hard, and I felt guilty because my insecurities got in the way. My friends even tried to help us fix things. It just wasn’t meant to be. However, as horrible as that time was, I am so grateful that it happened! Talk about life lessons!  

That was the first and only boyfriend I have ever had. The End .

Dating, Disability and my personal feels.

A girl with her back to the camera making a love heart with her hands. The sun is setting in front of her.
Photo by Hassan OUAJBIR from Pexels

Hang on just a minute. We aren’t ending the blog there just yet!  Even though I haven’t dated since grade 11, I have different views on dating since I have got older.

Sure, I had opportunities to bite the bullet and ask guys out. However, I guess I was too chicken and too old school to actually do it. I am a sad human I know!

Dating someone at 15 taught me a lot of things about myself and the dating world.

I realised after the fact, that dating someone to try and accept myself was the wrong way to go. When I figured that out, I poured effort into loving myself wholeheartedly. I truly believe the saying ‘you need to love yourself first before you love anyone else’. I would extend that saying to include the fact that you can’t get your selflove quota from the love of another.

The other thing I came to know was how much I was not ready to date. I thought I would be accepted by my piers if I was dating. Now don’t get that mixed up, I did really have feelings for my ex, however did I rush into dating him.. Probably.

Being disabled, you wonder if you will ever have someone love you for who you are, and accept everything about you. It is true what other guests on the Podcast says that there are some  people in the world who won’t date a disabled person for whatever sad reason they have. At the same time, I can understand why they wouldn’t. I tell people that whoever dates me, they have extra luggage the size of Australia to deal with.

 They aren’t just dating me, they have to be prepared for everything disabled life throws at them. They are dealing with the uncertainty, doctors visits, the difficult news, and the knowledge of life expectancy. It wouldn’t be a ‘conventional’ relationship at all.  

However, I feel at the same time the beauty and journey of such a relationship would be second to none. Although it does take a special human being to be willing to go on the journey with you.

Believe you me, as much as I am content about being single at 22, there are still moments were I crave that relationship. I am only human after all. For example, being out with my parents, my brother and his girlfriend.

 My parents are holding hands, my brother and his girlfriend are holding hands… and me I am either walking behind them by myself, or in my scooter cruising past them saying ‘oh please’.. I could hear the song “all by myself’ by the legendary Celine Dion in my head.  Let’s just say my vulgar and perfectly timed comments to them all gets a good laugh.

That is just it though, as much as I make those comments, there is still a certain beauty about being single. You learn to appreciate and love yourself first! You have no extra responsibilities, and can be a bit selfish when it comes to what you want to do, or the movie you want to watch! Oh and let’s not forget you can walk around with glass of wine and a Moisturising face mask, and no one looks at you thinking you look ridiculous!

Love is a beautiful thing, in any form it chooses. Love with a partner, or a love of yourself. Each presents it’s own beauty. I am blessed that my relationship happened when it did, and the fact at 22 years old, I am single. Each phase opens itself up to a different story.

To those who are disabled and single. Know that this is a time to invest in yourself. Understand your quirks and what makes you unique. Embrace everything about you. Once you can love yourself unapologetically, you might be surprised what will happen…. I keep telling myself that at least.

Patience after all is a virtue.

Do I want to ever be with someone you may ask? Of course, I do! I know that whoever dates me, will be the most incredible and kind soul, because the things they are going to have to endure will be difficult, but that is what will be amazing about them. The willingness to date me and take on the ‘luggage’ that is disability. For now, I am taking my time to love myself, and be open to whatever opportunities present in the love department. Who knows what could happen in the future!!. 

To all those lovebirds out in the world.. To those who are married, dating, engaged and are disabled, you all are blessed with incredible partners. Embrace them, and tell them just how lucky they are to have a partner with incredible parking spaces, and front frow seats to their favourite sport! Kidding!

Until next week! Happy love lovebirds and singletons!

-Rhi xo

P.s. I talked more about loving yourself in my Valentines Post. Check it here!

If there is something you would like me to write about, let me know in the comments or by finding me on social media!

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