G’day my friends and welcome to another blog. Isn’t it crazy that we are officially in the last few months of the year? If you are anything like my family, we have already begun grabbing a few new Christmas decorations. My family are hosting Christmas this year so it is always fun regardless to decorate the place!
Anyway, on to today’s topic. Who has ever loved the the feeling of super confidence? It makes you feel invincible! what happens though if it walks into arrogance, or what people call ‘extra’ territory?
We all know social media is a highlight reel. We only show what is the best parts of ourselves. We never show the gritty parts or the ugly parts that happen to get to the success.
So what I wanted to delve into is the feeling of confidence and how sometimes that turns into not such a great thing but can be harnessed for success. Because let’s face it, no one wants a down post! We want some happiness too!
Confidence or Arrogant? The fine line
I think we have always heard the phrase ‘confidence bordering on arrogance’. And they are right there is a fine line.
However for some of us that fine line is where most of us sit. For most of us it is the need to be seen as super confident, knowledgeable or have achieved so much to feel worthy or even feel seen.
That is no difference with me. I have always felt being disabled, I needed to know so much about everything to feel accepted or significant. In time that knowledge turns into that fine line between confidence and arrogance.
For example, on Wednesday, I went out to my animal behaviour programme I do each week. This week in particular I ticked off a bucket list item that I have had for years. That was to be able to do lunge work with a horse.
Like most things including my riding, I have researched and followed so many people and watched ‘how-to’ videos to have that feeling of confidence going into each session.
I have always tried to impress or to seem knowledgeable. However, it leads down a road where you very quickly no longer become the student, and become unteachable. Only if you let it that is.
In most cases, people want to pass on their knowledge but if you start saying ‘oh well I did know that because..’, they no longer become as interested in teaching you because it seems like you know everything. And therefore it turns into arrogance without you noticing.
That was almost what happened to me on Wednesday unknowingly. I put so much pressure and expectation on myself to prove to my trainer i knew what she was talking about, and to execute the lunge work to perfection, i wasn’t focused on the energy between me and my horse.
It isn’t until someone points it out that we start to relearn and figure out new ways of being teachable or approachable.
Letting go of the need to become someone you aren’t.
Being disabled, it has opened doors I couldn’t even imagine. I have done so much and learnt so much.
However, in the journey to accept yourself unapologetically, you can easily start turning into something you aren’t. No I am not meaning turning into a frog or a different thing other than human, I am meaning you no longer become your authentic self.
I have always felt the intense pressure from myself to be more than just ‘Rhi’. I felt I needed to be the outgoing one, full of confidence, strong, brave and perhaps too needing to constantly achieve. If I didn’t talk about something important at a dinner i thought I was not important or worthy of being around people. Perhaps you have felt that too.
We aren’t bad for feeling this way. We are only doing what we think is right and that is ok. But it comes from a place of feeling not completely happy and CONFIDENT within ourselves.
Sometimes we need to let go of the need to be someone we aren’t. Now that takes a while to figure out, and clearly that is something I am still learning to do. When I figure out the magical potion to be able to do it I will let you know.
In a society that is full of judgment, pressure and stress, it is no wonder why we try and shape ourselves to fit in. That can be any part of our lives, our appearance, our job, family, anything. I think we have all been down this rabbit hole.
We all have to get to a point of being unapologetically ourselves in one way or another and owning that with grace and strength.
Become the teachable with a touch of confidence.
It isn’t a secret we are all works in progress. If we stop progressing then we may literally should call ourselves a rock.
We need to learn in time it is ok to become teachable. If we allow ourselves to go into a new situation without any knowledge then we will learn more than what we would have otherwise.
We can’t expect ourselves to start a new project, job, or degree knowing everything about a subject anyway. If we put that pressure on ourselves, we eventually get too caught up in the pressure of performing instead of learning!
The first time two weeks ago I went into my riding lesson without pre watching any how-to videos, and it was the best lesson I have had. Me and my horse became a team, and ultimately achieved more than ever.
Once we let go of our expectations, we will eventually see the fruits of our labour, and with it comes confidence in a new form of success.
It is scary to let go of habits and thought processes we have had for years. But sometimes in order to become ‘extra’ we need to be kinder on ourselves and become teachable. And extra at times is a pretty bloody awesome way to live.
Let me know what areas you can become more teachable in, and how you can become ‘extra’ in your own bloody awesome way!
P.s. want more awesome inspo?? check out another blog post i did that is all about learning but with a touch of holidays since it is almost the Silly Season. Because why not??? https://livingabled.com.au/holidays-my-4-hidden-gems/